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The Winner

by

Ronnie Claire Edwards

        Everyone thought Dot and Flonnie Kernoodle were twins, and their mama Dorothy Florence encouraged that thought.  They were only ten months apart, and both girls had that pink, cotton candy hair, so it was an easy deception.  Dot was a scrawny baby, "no bigger than a wore out bar of soap," and that helped, too.  Flonnie had a strawberry mark on her left cheek.  Whenever Grandmother Kernoodle took the girls to Sunday School, the church ladies would delicately spit on their crochet-edged handkerchiefs and try to wipe mark off, thinking it was lipstick.

    "Oh, no," Grandmother Kernoodle would say, "that's where Flonnie was kissed by an angel.  Weren't you, precious?"

    Flonnie would clap her tiny hands and squeal, "Flonnie kissed by an angel!"  It made Dot madder than hell.

    When they were three and a half, Dorothy Florence gave them their first Which Twin Has the Toni Home Permanent.  On their fourth birthday, she began giving them pedicures and manicures.

    She told everyone, "You can't imagine what it's like to do forty nails, all teensy!"

    They never wiggled, having been taught early 0n that in order to marry well, they had to be beautiful and have "lots of personality."  Running right alongside these qualities was "charm."

    "How else do you think I married your daddy, the second largest used car dealer in three counties?" Dorothy Florence asked.

    She was determined that her girls would have every cultural advantage, so at five they were enrolled in Miss Noleta Simone's School of Charm and Baton Twirling, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Miss Noleta Simone's girls took state four years in a row.  Tuesday and Thursday were for toe tap and acrobatic classes, and Saturday mornings were reserved for accordion lessons.  The girls were encouraged to sing as well and perform a couple of their routines whenever possible.  They didn't have to wait to be asked.

    "Getting up in front of people is wonderful training.  I call it strengthening their self confidence," Dorothy Florence explained.  Everyone else called it showing off.

    Because Flonnie was born last, they often referred to her as "The Baby."  This didn't sit well with Dot any better than the "kissed by an angel" routine.  Before she was six, she began to try and figure out how to tell the truth about them not being twins, even though she had been warned.

    "Don't you ever let that cat out of the bag.  You and the Baby's birthdays are a secret, just for family, cause everyone loves a matched set."  Dot always had to wait to celebrate her birthday so their party was on Flonnie's birthday.

    They were dressed identically from their lace-trimmed socks to their Bambi barrettes, except when Flonnie went on a tear if she wasn't allowed to wear her tap shoes.  Flonnie wore pink and Dot wore blue.  Dot hated blue.  Somehow Flonnie always got to choose which outfit they were going to wear.  Once Dot put on Flonnie's pink dress.  Flonnie threw herself face down in the middle of the kitchen floor and pitched a wall-eyed fit.  She held her breath until she began to turn blue.

    Dorothy Florence said, "Breathe for Mother, darlin!"

    She called their daddy off the car lot to come home.  Dot was sent to her room and they took away her Dionne Quintuplet paper dolls and jacks for two hours.  Dorothy Florence split a Miltown and gave half of it to Flonnie and took the other half and two more for herself.  She pulled down the blinds in her bedroom and lay with a cold wash rag on her forehead the rest of the afternoon.  Her daddy bought Flonnie two Eskimo Pies when the ice cream man came around.

    "We need to get the girls started early," Dorothy Florence told their daddy when she sent in photos to the Beautiful Baby Contest, sponsored by Sears.  When neither girl won, Dorothy Florence was furious and blamed it on the photos.

    They were the first family in town to get a television, a Philco, because the girls needed to study the Miss America Pageant.  They had their supper early, even though they were too excited to eat.  For once, they weren't told to clean their plates.  They were sent to the bathroom, like before a car trip, whether they had to go or not.

    Dorothy Florence took notes on all the contestants because she claimed, "You can learn from the losers, too.  Like never wear white, flat-heeled shoes."

    The girls had to wait until they were four years old to enter the Miss Tiny Might Contest.  Again, they didn't win, but Flonnie placed third and Dot was a runner-up.

    "We'll use this as a learning process, precious," Dorothy Florence told Dot when she tore up her paper dolls and threw the jacks down the toilet.

    At five, they entered the Miss Dainty Dimple Contest, without a dimple between the two of them.  They placed in Best Talent with their acrobatic tap rendition of "Flat Foot Floosie With a Floy Floy."

    They had to have runway party dresses, as well as costumes for their talent routines.  Their grandmother made all their dresses and costumes.  She ordered rayon organdy by the bolt, sequins and glow-in-the-dark rickrack from a costume house out of Nashville.

    Their daddy complained, "I got to sell three late model Cadillacs faster'n I can get the odometers set back to pay for all this."

    Dorothy Florence told him these contests were just dress rehearsals for the big contests coming up when they got older.

    He said, "I sure as hell hate to think what the main event is going to cost me.  Probably four John Deeres."

    At ten, Miss Precious Petite: Best Smiles.

    At twelve, Miss Freckle: Flonnie second, Dot Best Personality.

    At thirteen, Miss Teen Terrific: Flonnie second, Dot Most Outgoing.

    Their daddy told the salesmen on the lot, "Close, but no cigar.  I swear to God, I wish someone would slip them an ugly pill.  Dorothy Florence has gone hog wild."

    At fourteen, it arrived.  Their "really big show," as Dorothy Florence called it, in imitation of Ed Sullivan.  The Goober Pea Jamboree, advertised for the "Pea-ple of Pea-terson County."  It had a "pea-rade" and gave a "Best Reci-pea Award."  Flonnie was crowned Miss Peanut.  Dot didn't place.  They toasted Flonnie with Canada Dry Ginger Ale.  Dot wanted out.

    Dorothy Florence said, "Don't be ridiculous!  You've just had a little setback."

    In high school, Flonnie was a drum majorette, Band Queen, and Prom Queen.  She went steady with the captain of the football team.  She wore his ring around her neck.

    Dot was president of the Honor Society, Secretary of the French Club, winner of the state spelling bee, and hadn't had a date yet.  She didn't care all that much, but she knew her mama would have a fit and fall in it if she didn't have a date to the prom, so she was relieved when the president of the Latin Club, Dumar Leeky, invited her.  Even though he was three inches shorter than she was and wore his glasses on a chain around his neck, she was grateful to him.

    Dorothy Florence kept lecturing Flonnie that she had to save herself for her career.  She wanted the girl to be in shape for the Miss Hollywood Movie Star Look-Alike Contest coming up.

    She said, "Flonnie is the spitting image of Betty Grable, with red hair."

    Flonnie had her picture taken in a pinup pose, wearing a bathing suit, looking over her shoulder.

    Dorothy Florence was worried sick about her going steady.  "This football captain situation has got to be watched, kept in check," Dot heard Dorothy Florence tell her daddy one night.  They didn't know she could hear them on the front porch outside her bedroom window.  She was up late studying for a French test.

    She heard her daddy laugh low and say, "You mean get out of hand like we did?"

    Her mama giggled and said, "You hush up now."

    It was the same tone Dot had heard her mother use when her daddy squeezed her fanny as she was bending over to take something out of the oven.

    After her folks went to bed, Dot had trouble conjugating the French verbs.  She kept thinking of what her daddy had said.  At twelve-thirty she went to bed, but she had trouble sleeping.  At four a.m. she sat bolt upright and it came to her why she'd always had to celebrate her birthday ten months late.  Her mama and daddy had "gotten out of hand."

    One week before the contest, Flonnie eloped with the football captain.  Dorothy Florence took to her bed, prostrate with grief that no amount of Miltown could help.  They had to send for Dr. Bruckner to give her a shot.

    She called Dot into her room and told her, "You've got to go in Flonnie's place.  You are our only hope to win the Miss Hollywood Look-Alike Contest."

    Dot protested that she hadn't been in a contest in two years, and she sure didn't look like Betty Grable.

    Her daddy said, "For the love of God, Dorothy Florence, let it go.  The girl's out of the game."

    Her mama said, "How can you deny me this?" 

    So, Dot entered.  She didn't even place.  Dorothy Florence took to her bed again.

    That week Dot won the essay award and a scholarship to the state university.

    Dorothy Florence said, "Well, isn't that nice, honey," and turned her face to the wall and started to cry again.  After a moment, she sighed and said, "Everybody loves a winner.  I'm just sure Flonnie would have won the Miss Hollywood Look-Alike Contest, aren't you?" 

    Dot nodded and patted her mother's hand.  Then she tiptoed out of the bedroom and softly closed the door.